She's Just Not
by Laura x Tennant
Summary: The Doctor's thoughts about whether Martha will make a good companion. Comparisons between her and Rose are made. The Doctor can't help it.   He misses her.


**A/N: Hello my dears :D This oneshot, although in third person, is about the Doctor thinking about Martha's good and bad points as to being a companion, but inevitably, and somewhat unfairly, he ends up comparing her with a certain someone he can never forget (hint: a certain someone who he is so in love with and yet separated from. Yeah. Her. Rose. [like that wasn't obvious, from moi] )**

**So here you are. I hope you like it. I'm not trying to be mean against Martha at all; she's fine in her own way, and I try to portray her in her best possible light. But you know. In the Doctor's mind, Rose will always be better. Because he loves her. Obvs.**

**Laura x**

**...**

**She's Just Not...**

Martha.

Okay.

She's good. She's not _brilliant, _exactly, but she's good. She'll probably _become _brilliant, in the end. Yeah. Yeah, she will. Definitely!

She'll save a world, one day. Maybe. Not the universe, mind. But she has the potential to learn from him, and her ability to save people and planets will grow, over time, he's sure. She'll learn.

She makes mistakes. Lots of mistakes. But that's okay. She's only human. She'll learn.

Even Rose made mistakes at first. Sort of. Actually, a fair bit. Reapers, anyone? Although, at least she would – no. No, let's not dwell on all that. Gone now.

So, Martha...

Hmmm.

It's true. She's clever and she's brave and she's stubborn and she's kind. Bit like Rose. Not as special, but...no, wait. That's mean. She is special. Everyone's special, in their own way. Okay. Maybe it's just that...well. She's just not quite as special to him as Rose was. _Is_. Rose will always be special to him. Always.

Anyway, so: Martha...

Sometimes she asks too many questions, but that's alright, he likes talking anyway. Except, he seems to like it a bit less now, to tell you the truth. Maybe it's because he's lost that one person who, after much time spent trying to keep her at arm's length, hide everything from her, could eventually finish his sentences and flash him a cheeky grin to tell him she knew she was right. She became his equal, did Rose. She knew him, she _knows _him, like no other does or will.

But yeah. Anyway. Martha:

Not many bad points about her, really. Sometimes she looks at him as if she can't quite believe he exists, but that's fine; she'll get over that. Sometimes she looks at him like he's a monster, and that's not so fine, but it's often the truth. And yet, however much he is or was a monster, Rose never looked at him like that.

Oh now wait, she had once, actually. With that Dalek back when he was all Big Ears, but she'd stopped him then, and made him better, and after that she always used to look at him with forgiveness in her eyes rather than outrage.

Okay, that's not strictly true: she did look at him with an outraged expression a lot, but mostly that was because he'd eaten all her favourite biscuits or something, which was truly unacceptable and yet he kept doing it just so he could see her face when he 'apologised' by taking her to the most fantastic, beautiful places in the universe. Those were good times. He was always forgiven rather quickly, by a beaming, grateful Rose. Those were very good times indeed.

But anyway, Rose had that capability to send a look his way...no words accompanying it, necessarily, just a Look...and it was as if she was forgiving him for everything he'd ever done wrong. Of course, he couldn't simply expect his sins to be atoned like that, but...well, he did, in the end, actually. 'On behalf of...I dunno...the Shadow Proclamation...and all the planets...and all those people...from Earth to Raxacoricofallapatorious to...to your own planet...and...and everyone else in the universe, Doctor...I forgive you,' she once said. Whispered words, laughing a little, but strangely nervous, as if she knew it couldn't be enough. And yet it was. Her forehead pressed against his; her breath ghosting over his lips as he listened to her, tears in both their eyes. And he felt it. He felt the weight of her forgiveness as if it were the whole of Gallifrey looking down on him and telling him that it was alright, everything would be...alright.

Martha couldn't do that. But then, she doesn't know, does she? She doesn't know about his past, and she doesn't know what he's done. And she doesn't love him the way Rose does.

Rose knew, _knows_, and she didn't, _doesn't,_ hate him for it like he once feared she would. But then...well. She was different, wasn't she? _Is _different, isn't she? Yes. Yes she is.

She's his.

And she loves him.

Anyway, back to Martha. So, maybe she's a bit slow on the uptake occasionally, doesn't quite work it all out as quickly as a certain someone else would've done, but that's not her fault, he can't hold that against her. She's still better than most. Just not quite as good as Rose. Rose could –

No. Wait.

Back to Martha. Martha. Yeah, not many bad things about her. Although, sometimes she looks at him as though she wants him to kiss her. Which he doesn't really like. At all. No. There is only one person he's ever appreciated that look from, and right now she's stuck in some stupid parallel universe.

Damn irony.

Anyway.

A bit of a negative point, though. She doesn't really like it when he talks about Rose. She sort of goes all cagey and jealous and pouty and frustrated. And - well, it's not her fault, it's just human nature. But...he can't just _not_ talk about her. Rose was and is and always will be everything to him, and though he doesn't know how much it hurts Martha for him to say the things he does about the _one who came before_, he does know that he'll just _explode_ if he doesn't. He needs...he needs...

(He needs Rose. But hey. Ain't gonna get her back, so...)

...he needs to think about her, and talk about her, and show the World, the Universe, he remembers her. Show Martha she's not replacing her; never could. Show himself that he is able to do this, go on without her, almost mourning her, because at least he can remember all those wonderful memories they had. Show someone, anyone, someone,_ everyone_ that he loved her and he misses her and he still loves her and...

It's so unfair.

Everything. Life. Losing Gallifrey; the Time Lords. Losing Rose. Treating Martha this way. It's all so unfair.

And yet, facts of his life.

_Life_.

Life is unfair.

But it goes on. And on. And on and on and on, for him, so he better get used to it.

(He thought he had. Then there had been Rose, who had been worth so much more than all he's lost before, and now he's lost her too, and now...now, he's not so happy anymore.)

But anyway. No use wallowing. He shall plunder on. Go forth into the future. Remember and savour his memories of her. Keep them with him always. Save planets, defeat aliens, teach his human companions how to find their inner brilliance. Think about the one that got away. The one he never wanted to get away. Sleep, so that he can dream about her, and their shared memories, and her smile and her hugs and holding her hand and being with her and laughing with her and loving her. Stay awake, so he can escape the nightmares of her hands slipping from that lever and her broken heart on Bad Wolf Bay and that sentence left as yet unfinished, those beautiful words

(words only for her)

left as yet unspoken. Always will be unspoken. Well. Unless he gets her back. But that's impossible, because the universe is far too mean and his life far too unfair for that to be allowed to happen.

Anyway. He'll go on. Fight on. Never give up. And all that malarkey.

Such is life.

But yeah. So, Martha's good. She'll do. She deserves to see something more than what Earth has to offer. He'll show her planets and aliens and she'll become better and better and maybe, just maybe, a bit brilliant. And all that; that's his life. That's what he always does. To stop the loneliness. A bit. Sort of.

But it's not the same. No, of course it's not. It'll never be the same. Never again will it be the same. Not now he's lost –

Anyway...

Martha can be his friend. He likes her, she's good and honest and not at all evil, which is a plus. He can trust her. Not necessarily as fully as he could trust Rose, but he can trust her to a certain extent. It'll take him a while, but maybe he'll be able to believe in her as much as he believed in Rose, one day. Maybe. Possibly not. Because, as we've already established, Rose is different.

He's hers.

And he loves her.

But maybe Martha can be his friend, and maybe one day she'll save him, just like Rose did. Maybe Martha has already saved him, in a way, and Donna before her. If Donna hadn't been there to stop him...well. You know. And she had been right, he does need someone. Someone to stop him...

(He needs Rose. But he can't have her, so he has to find someone else. Not to replace her, mind; he could never do that. But someone to at least bridge a gap. Fill a few holes in his life. Maybe. Possibly. A bit. Sort of.)

Anyway.

So. Long and short of it, Martha has very many good qualities, and few bad ones. She should turn out to be a great friend. Yeah. Yes. Currently: she's good. Potential: brilliance.

But number one on his list of cons?

She's not _her._

He's travelled with someone better. That's mean, and rude, and he knows it, but it's true. He can't help it. The way he feels. He misses that person, the better person, the _best. _Somehow, she always knew what to say. She always knew what to _do._ And Martha can never replace her. No one can. Not ever.

It's not fair; him liking Martha a little less, just because of that number one negative. But he can't help it. Not after Rose.

Poor Martha.

_She's just not Rose._

And truthfully? As much as showing Martha the universe will give him a reason not to wallow in self-pity; as much as she'll give him a reason to keep on fighting, and never give up...

The fact that she's not Rose makes him cry.

...

**A/N: Ouch. Yeah. Sorry if this is too...depressing :S I just had this urge to write a bit angsty for a change. Oh, and double ouch if you are throwing shoes or something at me for being a bit overtly pro-Rose lol. But I hope you liked it. Review and let me know, if you like :D (please? Lol ;P)**

**Laura xxx**


End file.
